Hi Chocolate Wonder!

I hope you know I call us that because what we do everyday is nothing short of amazing and full of wonder. No exaggeration. Pure facts.

Yesterday was my youngest sons birthday. He turned 8. As with many children with autism he has a thing with numbers and he also has some very real feelings about change. Once a routine has been established he doesn't want it to change, under any circumstances. For him, birthdays break the routine. He doesn't want to celebrate his birthday and he doesn't want anyone else in the house to celebrate their birthday either.

Usually his tears about his birthday begin a few days before. Well this year was different. He started being upset that his birthday was coming as soon as January rolled around. He would get so upset at the mention of his birthday. He would cry and scream about how he didn't want it to happen and how he wanted everything to stay the same. I even tried to appeal to his love of numbers. I said , "but baby, 2 is your favorite number and 8 is an even number like 2 and 8 is also a prime number!! ". My baby hollered at the top of his lungs, "NOOOOOOO!! No change!!!! No 8!!!! No birthday!!!" And ran up the stairs crying.

In my heart I said to myself, "Ummmmm Houston, we have a problem."

As his birthday got closer my husband and I got more stressed about his presents because as you can imagine he is not the easiest little one to buy presents for. We really didn't know what to do.

A few days before his birthday he said he wanted to stay home for his birthday. School is often a challenge for him and he doesn't make friends easy so when he said it we immediately said absolutely, and then changed the subject so as not to derail the conversation.

When the day came. We let him call the shots. We bought nothing and wrapped nothing. After the other 3 kids were off to school (which was a trainwreck that I will tell you about another time), we took him to our local store to get a Spiderman balloon. I tied it around his wrist and he wanted to try some bubble gum at 9am in the morning so we did that too.

Then we went to Five Below and let him pick out anything he wanted. Then we went to Walmart and let him do the same there. Its important that you understand my son only plays with a small range of things so we knew what he picked would not be outrageous. We also wanted to see what he would do.

Then we went to Dunkin Donuts and he split a donut with his new spiderman plushie while the other toys waited in the car.

He came home had some lunch and got to open and play with his toys first without any interference or influence from our other children.

The day ended with a pizza and ice cream cake party with him and his siblings.

I have honestly never seen my son look so satisfied as I did at the end of yesterday. He may not have smiled, but he was happy, and that made us happy.

Gift giving for children with special needs can be so tricky that in the end it can feel more like a chore. It fills me with anxiety and stress and at times has even overwhelmed me. But I shared this story with you to encourage you to not give up. We barely said happy birthday to him and never mentioned the number 8 all day. It may not have been how we would have liked the day to go, but for him it was perfect.

I think my son felt heard. What brings him stress is just different. What brings him joy is just different. Different doesn’t always have to be bent to be the same. Especially when it comes to birthdays.